Words Will Be Just Words Till You Bring Them To Life

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EVERYBODY!

(My sister, me, & my friends Christi & Amanda- AKA The Fabulous Four! New Years Eve)

I am SO excited for the New Year.  It is so wonderful to look back and see how blessed I was over 2013.
I remember starting off in January 2013 saying how I was DETERMINED to make it a better year than 2012.  I had spent that entire year healing from heartbreak and trying to figure out how to keep going, trying to figure out who the heck I even was.  So I was SO ready to say hello to 2013, and now, I cannot BELIEVE it is over! Seriously, it FLEW by. And I am happy to say I accomplished 2 out of 3 of my HUGE resolutions for that year.

They were:

O N E:  Go through the Temple and take out my Endowments- CHECK!

That April day was the best day of my life so far. I have such special memories from that day and it has been a gift that keeps giving and will my entire life. I truly LOVE the Temple!


and T W O:  Move To Utah- CHECK!




I TOTALLY packed up my Camry, busting to the gills with all I could fit of my earthly possessions inside, and drove the TWO THOUSAND THREE HUNDRED miles across the country to try out Utah. How freaking awesome is that!? I am so proud that I took that chance and literally went on faith all the way across the country for an adventure. And after a few months and a LOT of prayer, pondering, phone calls, and fasting, I have since moved back to Pennsylvania. But I couldn't be happier to have had that adventure for those few months in 2013, and to be back on the east coast!
But that's a different story for a different time.

I am PUMPED for 2014 and I have A LOT in store. So many big plans for myself. This will be the year of

C    H    A    N    G    E
and I am ready! So here we go 2014, let's do it!  I am ready to bring my goals to life!

Dear 20, Love 26

You know what it crazy to me?

How time can absolutely fly by, and slow down, at the same time.

Right now I cannot believe that I turned 26 last month.  I seriously have no idea how I got here.  I feel like I just turned 20.  

But, I feel like 20 was a lifetime ago.Yet it feels like yesterday. Strange.

How did six years pass by without me even realizing it?

 I feel like if I passed my 20 year old self on the street I would hardly recognize her.

It got me thinking...if I somehow could see my 20 year old self, and tell her things about herself, warn her about things I know would be coming for her, comfort her, give her advice, tell her what would happen in the next six years....

would I?

You see, the past few years I have struggled severely with regret.  It was something I had never really thought of before. Something that never bothered me.  Something I never worried about. I guess that's because up until the past few years, I had never done anything worthy of real regret.

I am not talking about sin, and big mistakes involving things of that nature. But I am talking about big life decisions that I have made and have come to utterly, completely, and painfully regret. A powerful, overwhelming feeling of regret that has kept me up at night.  Regret that has left me feeling lost and confused.  Regret that makes me feel angry at myself, and others.  Regret that has left me crying till my eyes can't cry anymore. Regret that has at times, made me bitter.  Regret that had me asking

 "BUT  W H A T  I F..."

or saying  "I F  O N L Y   I   H A D/H A D N' T..."

 or  "I   W I S H   I   N E V E R..."

But the regret has taught me something-NOT to regret. No matter how many times you go over scenarios in your head, you cannot change the past.  The absolute best thing you can do is to say"oops, my bad"

 pray- trusting that Heavenly Father knows what is best for you

 and MOVE ON. 

Go forward with what you have learned and try not to make the same mistakes twice.  Make the most of the situations at hand.  Forgive where forgiveness is needed, and this includes forgiving YOURSELF. As Timone and Pumbaa would say "You gotta put your past behind ya." Know that wherever you have ended up now, you are never starting over from scratch, you are starting anew with additional experience, learning, and understanding. 

I know that I have made some REALLY horrible decisions that have cost me dearly-

(i.e. loving a boy for years who did NOT deserve me, who never treated me right, and took me for granted, and tore my beating heart out of my chest..but that's a different story for a different post)

but I KNOW that I have fought hard to become this woman I am today because of these things.  I know that the Lord has loved me through everything, and I have  grown to love Him so much more through everything. And that who I am today, standing here, newly 26, is a completely different and BETTER woman because of my choices and my experiences. And if my 26 year old self passed my 20 year old self on the street, I still don't know for sure what I would say to her,  if I would tell her to

 "RUN AS FAST AS SHE CAN the other way from that boy", or to 

"go to that college after all", or to

"love yourself NOW."

Or maybe I would say nothing at all, and just give her a knowing, reassuring smile because now I KNOW she will be ok. That even though I know the choices she is making will cause her serious regret and heartache, she will one day be me, the 26 year old woman 

who values herself and her time

who is working on bettering and loving herself daily

who doesn't accept less than what she deserves

who knows that she is a daughter of God, and deserves people in her life who sees and treat her as such

a woman who doesn't settle and is freaking ROCKIN' it making her dreams come true, even if they took a regret or ten along the way...

Story of My Life

I was all fired up and ready to go on one of my last posts about delving into my life and putting my stories out there. I had such good intentions! But I still haven't started on them. Well today's the day! I wanna call this series the "Story of My Life" series
(the name may or may not be inspired by my love for One Direction's new song but that's besides the point :)

First up! Some little things about myself I think you should know that give great insight into me:

I seriously love blankets. I ALWAYS am snuggled up under one. Even in the summer. 

I use a singing One Direction toothbrush. Heck yes.

I love Vanilla Coke. And I think it tastes the best at Sonic.

I have been to almost 200 concerts. No lie. 

My name is McKenzie, but everyone closest to me calls me "Skim" or "Skimmy"..it's been my nickname since birth when my older sister couldn't pronounce my name and that's how it came out.

I have a curse with hairdryers. I don't think I have ever owned one that hasn't broken within a ridiculously short amount of time of having it.

Every year I get in the mood to chop off several inches of my hair at once. And I do. And I ALWAYS regret it. You'd think I'd learn.

I have met Bill Nye the Science guy, and he was a jerk (but hey, maybe he was having a bad day?).

Welp, there ya go. Story of My Life.
(part one)

Save AND Make Yourself Some Money on Textbooks

Recently I was introduced to an awesome company- CampusBookRentals.com, and asked to share some of their awesome opportunities with you!   This is a GREAT site to get your books for college.  I know I personally think it is ridiculous how expensive books for classes in college cost.  I mean, who has that kind of money to fork out HUNDREDS of dollars for ONE book? I don't think so! But CampusBookRentals.com has a WONDERFUL site where you can save TONS of money. And with this semester coming to an end and a new one just around the corner who doesn't want that?! Some of the great things CampusBookRentals.com  can offer you are:

-you can save 40-90% off of bookstore prices

-free shipping both ways

-you can highlight in the textbooks

-really flexible renting periods

Amazing right?!

PLUS  these guys donate to Operation Smile with every book that is rented, which I LOVE and is SUCH a bonus for renting from this site. What is Operation Smile? This is one of my favorite charities.  As a nanny, I have a special place in my heart for children. Did you know that every 3 minutes a child is born with a cleft? And 1 in 10 of these children will die before their first birthday without receiving the proper medical treatment. I was dumbfounded and heartbroken reading those statistics. But Operation Smile is changing lives by helping these children and their families by providing free,safe, and life-changing and saving surgeries for these children.These children can go on to live normal, healthy, happy, smile-filled lives thanks to this wonderful organization! And by renting books through CampusBookRentals.com you can help yourself by saving tons of money, AND you can help save a child and need. Amazing!  

You can also check out www.RentBack.com

This site lets you rent out books that you already own to other students! So instead of selling those books and only getting pennies back on hundreds of dollars worth of books you can make money on them again and again...AMAZING!

I was compensated for this post but all opinions on these awesome companies are my own.

You're Gonna Hear Me Roar

I have had this blog for almost two years now. And in the past year (and a half if we are being honest) it has been severely neglected.  I have been so busy...with a lot of things. One of them being I get so caught up and distracted with reading other blogs that I never have time to do my own.  And then there's that little comparison monster that creeps in and tells me I haven't had anything good to say compared to these people. And these girls have perfect lives, they aren't anything like me. But lately it hit me...I love reading blogs where the authors are REAL. They pour their hearts out. They talk about REAL things going on in their lives, past and present. Good AND bad. Not just superficial things. They help people, just by sharing, and letting others know they aren't alone in how they feel, or in having bad experiences. 

It got me thinking.... I have been so quiet on my OWN blog. Especially lately.  And I feel like I am almost a completely different person than when I started this thing in the very beginning of 2012. And you know what? I have a lot to say! (these realizations could be due to the fact that I have been obsessed with Katy Perry's 'Roar' lately). And up until now I have been very, very private with my personal life.  I never wanted to talk about things that have happened in my life.  I have barely written personal things in my own journal about my private life. Part of the reason for that is there have been some very difficult and heart-breaking experiences. And it's like I didn't want to record them for anyone to ever read them, I felt like they were too near, too painful, too recent, too humiliating. And even in writing, it had always been very difficult for me to share what I am feeling. So I only alluded to them in past posts. Actually, like only one of them.

But things are different now, and because of these experiences, I have been learning how to open up. And I have decided to open up about my life. To use my tiny corner of the internet for good.  To maybe let someone else out there know that they aren't the only one to feel the way they do. 

I am not saying I am depressed. I am not saying I have a horrible life. I am not saying that I have had the most difficult, horrible experiences that are possible to have.  I AM saying that I have been hurt. That I have made mistakes. That I have lost myself. That I have been betrayed. That I have been broken so deeply I never thought I could heal. That I survived what was, at the time, my worst nightmare.  But, most importantly, that I have learned. That I have been blessed beyond measure. That I have grown. That I have loved. That I have been loved. That my testimony is strong. That I know things horrible things happen, but there is ALWAYS hope. That I KNOW my Redeemer lives, and HE is what has gotten me though everything and anything. That I have always had a light, not at the end of the tunnel and something always off in the distance, but right beside me leading me out of the dark. My Savior. And I know He lives. And I know that there's a purpose in EVERYTHING we are called to go through. I saw a quote recently by Brigham Young that said 

"Every trial and experience you have passed through is necessary for your salvation." 

I know that He would never allow me to hurt more than necessary. And that no matter what He calls me to pass through while on this earth, it will be MORE than worth it when I leave this earth. 

So here's to opening up, and sharing my stories. And you know what?

You're gonna hear me roar.

Life Tip #3,301- Make Sure Your Blind Date Speaks Your Language

(sadly, my sister lost the one picture we got as proof of that hilariously horrible night, but I figured a picture of me and my 20 year old naive self from that same year could suffice)

So a few years ago when my sister was in college, I, for some STRANGE reason (which I still do not understand) let my sister convince me to go to a college dance with her.  She said that she and her ex boyfriend had found a date for me already, all I had to do was come. Hmmm...

Red flag number one.

Well, I should have considered the fact that my sister's psycho EX was the one setting me up with a date, and that's really not the best idea in the first place. 

 Red flag number two.

Not to mention, going on a double date with your sister, her ex, and a complete stranger just MIGHT be a little awkward in and of itself. 

Red flag number three.

But, I went down in faith that it was going to be a fun, memorable night! 

                                                                                                     ....Well, it WAS memorable.

After going on a day trip with my sister, her ex, and their horrible,erratic driver of a professor, we came back to my sister's apartment to get ready for the dance.  I was barely getting over my lingering carsickness from the day's trip with the nutty professor, but I managed to get ready and feel semi-okay.  Then I overheard my sister and her ex on the phone talking.... and it turns out my sister's ex met my date... at a construction site.  Red flag number four.

After having a slight freak out and telling my sister I no longer wanted to go and trying to get out of it,  my sister's ex and my date showed up.  This is the part of the story where I would love to say that he was tall, dark, handsome, mysteriously sexy, and tanned from his long hours in the sun working, and that all of my anxiety over going out with this construction-site-find-of-a stranger was erased. 

                                                Well...he was about 2 inches shorter than me, very shy, and barely spoke a lick of English.   

Red flag number five.

Needless to say the night was full of awkward silences, saying "I'm sorry, what was that?," awkward slow dances looking down at my date, and trying to understand each other over the loud music and obvious language barrier. AWK.WARD.NESS.  

Now, my sister and I laugh until we cry about that night.  And now I know: Never let your sister's ex set you up with a blind date. And if you, for some reason do, make SURE they speak your language.

The Great Utah Migration

Wow. It has been a really long time. I can't believe it is September....where has the time gone?! That means I didn't blog once this summer (although maybe this counts as once because fall doesn't come untill the end of the month, so that's what we'll say).  But I have a pretty big excuse as to why I was so absent from my little bloggie here.  

I stinking moved across the country.

 No lie. From a very small town in Pennsylvania to Salt Lake City, Utah.  

Why? Well, that is a really good question.  There was no thunderbolt, no angelic message, no new, glorious dream job waiting, to tell me this is where I needed to be...but there was the whisperings of the Spirit. A lot of times it would just come to me as thoughts every now and then about "just move to Utah."  And after a lot of thought, praying, fasting, and pondering, (my sister who decided to join me and)  I decided to go on faith, and take a step (or giant leap) into the dark, together.  

Completely crazy?  

There have been many, many times I have thought so, especially as I was I driving the 2,300 miles, alone in my car, packed to the gills with whatever possesions I could manage. 

Or about the time we hit big, wide open, ridiculous Kansas. (No offense, but I HATE you Kansas. And I don't normally say hate, but it fits).

Or the time when we stopped for lunch and we weren't even out of PA yet and I said to my sister 

"Is it too late to turn around?"

Or that first night we stopped, after having a 19 hour day already, and were utterly exhausted and heartbroken, and we couldn't even find a room to stay in, so we had to drive 2 more hours just to stay in a crap hole that was so disgusting/shady/scary we were sure we'd be featured on an episode of Dateline. 

Or when we arrived in Utah, finally, and realized how far from home we were, how lost and homesick we felt, and the lady we are staying with proceeded to make sure we had good alarm systems on our cars because of hers getting broken into a few times (oh yay, we feel safe!).

But I am here to tell you that even though other people might think what we did was completely crazy ( even myself a lot of the times) nothing you do is ever too big and scary for the Lord to make the trip with you. And He is the only thing that has kept me going.  He was in PA with me, He is in Utah with me, He made that scary, boring, ridiculous multi-state drive with me, He has been with me as I have cried and doubted and worried over what comes next. And you know what? He will ALWAYS be there. Always. So whether I am in Pennsylvania,Utah, or Africa, He knows exactly where I am and loves me for exactly who I am, flaws and all. And I am so grateful that He does, and that even when I feel alone, I am not, because He.is.there, and that is all that really matters.

Random rest area in Ohio.                                               Absolutely gorgeous sunset in Indianapolis, IN.

 

                 

 Apparently there is a Pocahantas, MO.  

   

SOOO many rest area trips taken. Somehere in MO.

                                

Best. Hotel. Ever. We wanted to stay. Forever. Overland Park, Kansas.                   

Talk about your open road! No signs of trees, humans, or hills anywhere in Kansas. Ick.

We were SO happy to be out of Kansas and in Beautiful Colorado. And this gorgeous sunset greeted us.

Denver! Hello birthplace!

Even though Wyoming was abandoned by humans too, it had its gorgeous moments.

FINALLY in Utah.

One of the first days in Utah we made a point to seriously break a record and see three Temples in one day. Salt Lake (not pictured), Oquirrh Mountain

And Jordan River. 

It is AMAZING to me to be so close to like 10 Temples. What an incredible blessing.  After our closest one being the DC Temple (which will ALWAYS be my favorite), and having to take an entire day to make it there and back and get in a session, it is incredible to be able to see three temples in one day. They are my favorite places on earth. You cant manufacture the peace and sweet spirit that you feel just walking on the grounds.

This is the view from my window. Mountains everywhere! Loved watching the storm roll in on them.

We got to go takea tour of the Conference Center and see this beautiful Temple again.  The temple where my parents were sealed and my family became a forever family.

Then we went to see the Mormon Tabernacle Choir practice. So fun and beautiful!

And of course, we went to see One Direction's new movie, This Is Us, and were complete teenie boppers. We were ridiculously excited:)

And so sums up the last few weeks of my life. Although I have left a lot of other good things out.  We'll just see what happens:)