And then there were 27

Wow. Another year has come and gone and I am still in shock. I turned 27 a few weeks ago and let me tell you....that is even more of a shock, yo! I can't believe it. For a bit I was struggling with the idea of entering my late 20's. I don't know if I am the only one who does this but I kind of tend to treat my birthdays like New Years. I look back on the year, I take stock, and sadly most of the time... I make myself feel like horse poop.

It's easy to compare your life to the picture you have in your head of how things should be. And truth be told, if you have a picture in your head of how it's supposed to be, it's pretty near perfection. And that makes real life REAL hard to measure up. Especially when you are using a skewed yardstick like most of us tend to do and are super hard on ourselves. I know I am.

I tend to get disappointed with things and think to myself "This is SO not what I pictured I would be like, or how things would be when I was (insert age)!"

And before you know it I am stuck in the comparison trap.

I compare my life to others.

I compare my circumstances to others.

I compare how I handle things to how others do.

I compare what others have to what I have.

I compare my body, hair, makeup, talents, etc to all those seemingly perfect girls around me and blogs plastered all over the place.

And pretty quickly I feel like I come up ridiculously short.

But you know what I have finally started to realize?

I AM ME. There is NO one else who is me or ever will be, EVER.

Heavenly Father created me individually. He has molded my life individually. He has blessed me individually. He has loved me individually. He never intended for me to measure myself or my blessings by the yardsticks of others. He just want me to try my best, and be measured against what HE wants for me. And that changes daily. Sometimes my efforts for the day are amazing. I accomplish a lot. I use my talents. I serve. I study and pray more. I do better. Then some days are really hard, and I fall SO short from the day before. But you know what? If I am having a hard day He isn't expecting me to be my best self from another day. My best self for that day is what He wants. And He accepts my meager efforts, because sometimes that is all I can manage. He just says, "That's ok, try a little harder tomorrow."

He is not hard on us. WE are hard on us.

And when we compare ourselves and our lives to others it is only being ungrateful for the multitude of blessings He has given US individually.

I went into 27 with a much better attitude than I have the past few birthdays. He has blessed me to learn SO much over the past few years of my life. I have been stretched to the point of breaking. There have been trials I never would have wanted in a million years. There have been days so incredibly hard I couldn't picture them ever being even close to "good" again.

But over these last few years there has been SO much growth. I have been given SO much. I have been blessed WAY more that I have been hurt. Everything that has been a trial has turned into a blessing, or is on its way into turning into a blessing.

26 was SO good to me. I am so grateful for this year.

I crossed some major items of my bucket list like going to California and dipping my feet in the Pacific Ocean (which was a trip I WON, HECK yeah!)

I got 2 amazing jobs with families that I absolutely LOVED and were SUCH blessings to me

I expanded my photography skills and business

I traveled around and took day trips

I saw One Direction in concert TWICE, one if them was in FRONT ROW!!

I read the Book of Mormon 5 times

I started my own business selling shirts and prints I have spent years working on

(Wow as I read that I have a lot of blog posts to catch up on...haha...)

I am so grateful He has given me another year to be SO blessed. 27 is exciting! I can't wait to see what happens this year. I plan on making it AMAZING.

25 and stayin' alive! (ah, ah, ah, ah)

Welp, it happened.  Today I officially became an old lady.

I turned 25.

I remember as a little girl daydreaming, wondering 

"I wonder what I will look like when I am 25? "

"I wonder what I will be doing when I am 25?"

"I wonder what I will be like when I am 25?"

And after having a very heartbreaking experience last year around this time, I went into 2012 dreading turning 25 at the end of the year.  I was still struggling so much to accept what had happened and to move forward with my life.  I subconsciously put a mental expiration date on myself saying, "if I am not at my dream job...or....if I am not dating somebody else seriously...or...if I haven't moved out to my dream city by the time I turn 25,  I am useless, I am a failure."

And up until the end of the summer, I mentally beat the crap out of myself for not abiding by my timeline, my "usefulness expiration date."  I became more and more disappointed with myself because none of these things had panned out for me yet.

And then, by the Lord's tender mercy something clicked.  I realized how hard I was being on myself.  And that was big.  I never,ever had realized what ridiculous timelines I put myself on, I never realized how I would be SO hard on myself for not accomplishing things I thought I wanted to, when I wanted to.  And because I recognized this, I was able to begin to change it.

I realized that hey, just because some total clueless jerk broke your heart doesn't make you unlovable...it just means you deserve and want better. And he wasn't it.

Just because you haven't been able to afford that apartment you've been dreaming of moving to for so long yet doesn't mean it won't happen, it just means you are where you are supposed to be for now.

Just because you aren't at your dream job yet doesn't mean you won't have it...it just means you have a purpose to serve at the one you are at now.

And, just because things aren't like you pictured them at 25, doesn't mean they aren't good.

Expirations on people do not exist.  Sure, we all physically die and leave this earth some day, but we have NOW. We always have now.  

Treasure it, cherish it, live it, love it, NOW.  Make changes that need to happen.  Let yourself grow.  Work on your dreams.  Don't give up or beat yourself up.  The Lord has a plan for everyone, and He loves us all individually, and perfectly, even though we are not perfect.  He doesn't put us on timelines, when we mess up He doesn't say "Alright, that's it, you only have till your (insert age) to get it right!" He says, "It's ok, try again tomorrow.  Let me show you that what I have planned for you is bigger and better than your plans."

I am alive. Simply saying that puts a smile on my face because this time last year I didn't think I could survive.

But I did. And I am better. Stronger.  Older. Wiser. More blessed.

Here I am. all 25 years of me, failures, trials, experiences, scars, lessons, blessings, and all. I am alive and I am grateful to be 25.

Heart of Stone

This past Thursday my little sister Hannah turned 21....ah! Wow, I am still in shock, where does the time go?!  The poor thing has had like 4 awful birthdays in a row, including getting deathly sick ON her birthday every year! So this year, we were determined to make it AWESOME! And awesome it was.

Has anyone seen the movie Valentine's Day? Not the scary one that has some serial killer in it (I saw that on TV a while ago, and remembered it when I looked up this picture...haha). But this one:

WAY cute movie, with like 50 gazillion stars in it. But in the movie Jessica Biel throws an anti-valentine's party anf Jennifer Garner smashes a heart-shaped piñata to pieces after getting her heart broken.

Hannah always wanted to do this, and after having two really crappy boyfriends this past year, we figured this was the perfect time!

And heck, I knew I could enjoy it too after my, well, we'll call it my "less than awesome relationship."

So, I made her a heart piñata

(very fun and easy, more details on that later)

and we had a group of our girlfriends get together and after much eating and laughing and sucking at bowling, we took pieces of paper and wrote down the names of boys who had done us wrong, then made letters to them getting out our frustrations and put them 

along with some insulting caricatures of the said boys and candy in the piñata,

 and proceeded to smash the little bugger to pieces

 and then danced on the ashes.

It was flipping UH-MAZING!! I totally recommend this, even if you havent had your heart broken...this is like stinking therapy yo! We even taped it up and did it all over again. Girl time, is the best time.

And you want to know what was hilariously ironic?? My ex, the reason I wanted to obliterate this heart, helped me shop for the spray paint to paint the piñata with... and it gets better... the color he picked out? Stone. That's right, the color was called "stone."  How fitting, considering I always said he has a heart of stone. PAHAHAHA!