25 and stayin' alive! (ah, ah, ah, ah)

Welp, it happened.  Today I officially became an old lady.

I turned 25.

I remember as a little girl daydreaming, wondering 

"I wonder what I will look like when I am 25? "

"I wonder what I will be doing when I am 25?"

"I wonder what I will be like when I am 25?"

And after having a very heartbreaking experience last year around this time, I went into 2012 dreading turning 25 at the end of the year.  I was still struggling so much to accept what had happened and to move forward with my life.  I subconsciously put a mental expiration date on myself saying, "if I am not at my dream job...or....if I am not dating somebody else seriously...or...if I haven't moved out to my dream city by the time I turn 25,  I am useless, I am a failure."

And up until the end of the summer, I mentally beat the crap out of myself for not abiding by my timeline, my "usefulness expiration date."  I became more and more disappointed with myself because none of these things had panned out for me yet.

And then, by the Lord's tender mercy something clicked.  I realized how hard I was being on myself.  And that was big.  I never,ever had realized what ridiculous timelines I put myself on, I never realized how I would be SO hard on myself for not accomplishing things I thought I wanted to, when I wanted to.  And because I recognized this, I was able to begin to change it.

I realized that hey, just because some total clueless jerk broke your heart doesn't make you unlovable...it just means you deserve and want better. And he wasn't it.

Just because you haven't been able to afford that apartment you've been dreaming of moving to for so long yet doesn't mean it won't happen, it just means you are where you are supposed to be for now.

Just because you aren't at your dream job yet doesn't mean you won't have it...it just means you have a purpose to serve at the one you are at now.

And, just because things aren't like you pictured them at 25, doesn't mean they aren't good.

Expirations on people do not exist.  Sure, we all physically die and leave this earth some day, but we have NOW. We always have now.  

Treasure it, cherish it, live it, love it, NOW.  Make changes that need to happen.  Let yourself grow.  Work on your dreams.  Don't give up or beat yourself up.  The Lord has a plan for everyone, and He loves us all individually, and perfectly, even though we are not perfect.  He doesn't put us on timelines, when we mess up He doesn't say "Alright, that's it, you only have till your (insert age) to get it right!" He says, "It's ok, try again tomorrow.  Let me show you that what I have planned for you is bigger and better than your plans."

I am alive. Simply saying that puts a smile on my face because this time last year I didn't think I could survive.

But I did. And I am better. Stronger.  Older. Wiser. More blessed.

Here I am. all 25 years of me, failures, trials, experiences, scars, lessons, blessings, and all. I am alive and I am grateful to be 25.