And then there were 27

Wow. Another year has come and gone and I am still in shock. I turned 27 a few weeks ago and let me tell you....that is even more of a shock, yo! I can't believe it. For a bit I was struggling with the idea of entering my late 20's. I don't know if I am the only one who does this but I kind of tend to treat my birthdays like New Years. I look back on the year, I take stock, and sadly most of the time... I make myself feel like horse poop.

It's easy to compare your life to the picture you have in your head of how things should be. And truth be told, if you have a picture in your head of how it's supposed to be, it's pretty near perfection. And that makes real life REAL hard to measure up. Especially when you are using a skewed yardstick like most of us tend to do and are super hard on ourselves. I know I am.

I tend to get disappointed with things and think to myself "This is SO not what I pictured I would be like, or how things would be when I was (insert age)!"

And before you know it I am stuck in the comparison trap.

I compare my life to others.

I compare my circumstances to others.

I compare how I handle things to how others do.

I compare what others have to what I have.

I compare my body, hair, makeup, talents, etc to all those seemingly perfect girls around me and blogs plastered all over the place.

And pretty quickly I feel like I come up ridiculously short.

But you know what I have finally started to realize?

I AM ME. There is NO one else who is me or ever will be, EVER.

Heavenly Father created me individually. He has molded my life individually. He has blessed me individually. He has loved me individually. He never intended for me to measure myself or my blessings by the yardsticks of others. He just want me to try my best, and be measured against what HE wants for me. And that changes daily. Sometimes my efforts for the day are amazing. I accomplish a lot. I use my talents. I serve. I study and pray more. I do better. Then some days are really hard, and I fall SO short from the day before. But you know what? If I am having a hard day He isn't expecting me to be my best self from another day. My best self for that day is what He wants. And He accepts my meager efforts, because sometimes that is all I can manage. He just says, "That's ok, try a little harder tomorrow."

He is not hard on us. WE are hard on us.

And when we compare ourselves and our lives to others it is only being ungrateful for the multitude of blessings He has given US individually.

I went into 27 with a much better attitude than I have the past few birthdays. He has blessed me to learn SO much over the past few years of my life. I have been stretched to the point of breaking. There have been trials I never would have wanted in a million years. There have been days so incredibly hard I couldn't picture them ever being even close to "good" again.

But over these last few years there has been SO much growth. I have been given SO much. I have been blessed WAY more that I have been hurt. Everything that has been a trial has turned into a blessing, or is on its way into turning into a blessing.

26 was SO good to me. I am so grateful for this year.

I crossed some major items of my bucket list like going to California and dipping my feet in the Pacific Ocean (which was a trip I WON, HECK yeah!)

I got 2 amazing jobs with families that I absolutely LOVED and were SUCH blessings to me

I expanded my photography skills and business

I traveled around and took day trips

I saw One Direction in concert TWICE, one if them was in FRONT ROW!!

I read the Book of Mormon 5 times

I started my own business selling shirts and prints I have spent years working on

(Wow as I read that I have a lot of blog posts to catch up on...haha...)

I am so grateful He has given me another year to be SO blessed. 27 is exciting! I can't wait to see what happens this year. I plan on making it AMAZING.

L I F E

Oh, life.

So much has been going on since I last wrote. And a lot of it has been really difficult. There have been days I haven't wanted to get up out of bed or even change out of my pjs. 

It's amazing how different life can be from what you expected. For both good, and bad. There have been a lot of challenges and lessons the Lord seems to be wanting me to have and to learn. And one of the things I am constantly being reminded of is the fact that He knows best. He knows what He is doing. And I can trust Him with my life. 

I remember back when my best friend and I were entering our twenties. She was home from college and we were visiting, having one of our many,many, MANY life talks. You know, the ones that are really deep and you just pour your heart out and your worries and your fears and hopes and dreams come busting out till the early hours of the morning. We were talking about the future, and how we were worried about what our futures held, we were questioning God's plan for us, and allowing ourselves to feel doubt and fear. Well, mostly me. And I will never forget my friend's response to my many "WHAT IF" questions. She said

"McKenzie, all I know is it's called 'The Plan of Happiness.' He WANTS US TO BE HAPPY. And even when we don't understand how, that's what is going to happen."

I was so humbled and taken aback by her very honest, yet very simple response. It hit me how true it is.

I KNOW that no matter what happens, Heavenly Father wants us to be happy. 

I KNOW that He is working in our lives to make our ETERNAL happiness possible. Because I don't know about you, but that, when you think about it, is really what's important to me. The FOREVER part. And we CAN be eternally happy, in His presence if we hold on and follow His ways while we are here in this life.

I KNOW that Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ live.

I KNOW they love me. And they love you too.

I KNOW that even though there are hard days, days you don't know how you can possibly take anymore, days that your best effort is just to manage to get up and get dressed (or who am I kidding, just getting up period), THERE IS REASON FOR HOPE. We are never, ever alone. Everything that happens DOES happen for a reason. And we can trust in His plan, His purposes, and His timing. For surely they are SO much better than our own. They are far better and more than what our small, finite, mortal brains can even imagine.

Well heyyyy there!

I can't believe how fast 2014 is FLYING by. I had such good intentions for keeping up with my blog this year. I can't believe it has been 6+ months since I last posted. But hey, whatcha gonna do? Oh well. 

I have been seriously busy with SO many things this year. One of them being this little ditty one of my best friends and I have started together:

That's right! We started a dating blog.  We both have lots of opinions, crazy experiences, stories, and insights to share about our journeys in the dating world.  We would love for you to follow along. You can find our new blog, Boyless in the Burbs HERE.

And of course stick around this little bloggie of mine too. I have some seriously exciting things coming up! 

Words Will Be Just Words Till You Bring Them To Life

H  A  P  P  Y     2  0  1  4
EVERYBODY!

(My sister, me, & my friends Christi & Amanda- AKA The Fabulous Four! New Years Eve)

I am SO excited for the New Year.  It is so wonderful to look back and see how blessed I was over 2013.
I remember starting off in January 2013 saying how I was DETERMINED to make it a better year than 2012.  I had spent that entire year healing from heartbreak and trying to figure out how to keep going, trying to figure out who the heck I even was.  So I was SO ready to say hello to 2013, and now, I cannot BELIEVE it is over! Seriously, it FLEW by. And I am happy to say I accomplished 2 out of 3 of my HUGE resolutions for that year.

They were:

O N E:  Go through the Temple and take out my Endowments- CHECK!

That April day was the best day of my life so far. I have such special memories from that day and it has been a gift that keeps giving and will my entire life. I truly LOVE the Temple!


and T W O:  Move To Utah- CHECK!




I TOTALLY packed up my Camry, busting to the gills with all I could fit of my earthly possessions inside, and drove the TWO THOUSAND THREE HUNDRED miles across the country to try out Utah. How freaking awesome is that!? I am so proud that I took that chance and literally went on faith all the way across the country for an adventure. And after a few months and a LOT of prayer, pondering, phone calls, and fasting, I have since moved back to Pennsylvania. But I couldn't be happier to have had that adventure for those few months in 2013, and to be back on the east coast!
But that's a different story for a different time.

I am PUMPED for 2014 and I have A LOT in store. So many big plans for myself. This will be the year of

C    H    A    N    G    E
and I am ready! So here we go 2014, let's do it!  I am ready to bring my goals to life!

Dear 20, Love 26

You know what it crazy to me?

How time can absolutely fly by, and slow down, at the same time.

Right now I cannot believe that I turned 26 last month.  I seriously have no idea how I got here.  I feel like I just turned 20.  

But, I feel like 20 was a lifetime ago.Yet it feels like yesterday. Strange.

How did six years pass by without me even realizing it?

 I feel like if I passed my 20 year old self on the street I would hardly recognize her.

It got me thinking...if I somehow could see my 20 year old self, and tell her things about herself, warn her about things I know would be coming for her, comfort her, give her advice, tell her what would happen in the next six years....

would I?

You see, the past few years I have struggled severely with regret.  It was something I had never really thought of before. Something that never bothered me.  Something I never worried about. I guess that's because up until the past few years, I had never done anything worthy of real regret.

I am not talking about sin, and big mistakes involving things of that nature. But I am talking about big life decisions that I have made and have come to utterly, completely, and painfully regret. A powerful, overwhelming feeling of regret that has kept me up at night.  Regret that has left me feeling lost and confused.  Regret that makes me feel angry at myself, and others.  Regret that has left me crying till my eyes can't cry anymore. Regret that has at times, made me bitter.  Regret that had me asking

 "BUT  W H A T  I F..."

or saying  "I F  O N L Y   I   H A D/H A D N' T..."

 or  "I   W I S H   I   N E V E R..."

But the regret has taught me something-NOT to regret. No matter how many times you go over scenarios in your head, you cannot change the past.  The absolute best thing you can do is to say"oops, my bad"

 pray- trusting that Heavenly Father knows what is best for you

 and MOVE ON. 

Go forward with what you have learned and try not to make the same mistakes twice.  Make the most of the situations at hand.  Forgive where forgiveness is needed, and this includes forgiving YOURSELF. As Timone and Pumbaa would say "You gotta put your past behind ya." Know that wherever you have ended up now, you are never starting over from scratch, you are starting anew with additional experience, learning, and understanding. 

I know that I have made some REALLY horrible decisions that have cost me dearly-

(i.e. loving a boy for years who did NOT deserve me, who never treated me right, and took me for granted, and tore my beating heart out of my chest..but that's a different story for a different post)

but I KNOW that I have fought hard to become this woman I am today because of these things.  I know that the Lord has loved me through everything, and I have  grown to love Him so much more through everything. And that who I am today, standing here, newly 26, is a completely different and BETTER woman because of my choices and my experiences. And if my 26 year old self passed my 20 year old self on the street, I still don't know for sure what I would say to her,  if I would tell her to

 "RUN AS FAST AS SHE CAN the other way from that boy", or to 

"go to that college after all", or to

"love yourself NOW."

Or maybe I would say nothing at all, and just give her a knowing, reassuring smile because now I KNOW she will be ok. That even though I know the choices she is making will cause her serious regret and heartache, she will one day be me, the 26 year old woman 

who values herself and her time

who is working on bettering and loving herself daily

who doesn't accept less than what she deserves

who knows that she is a daughter of God, and deserves people in her life who sees and treat her as such

a woman who doesn't settle and is freaking ROCKIN' it making her dreams come true, even if they took a regret or ten along the way...

Story of My Life

I was all fired up and ready to go on one of my last posts about delving into my life and putting my stories out there. I had such good intentions! But I still haven't started on them. Well today's the day! I wanna call this series the "Story of My Life" series
(the name may or may not be inspired by my love for One Direction's new song but that's besides the point :)

First up! Some little things about myself I think you should know that give great insight into me:

I seriously love blankets. I ALWAYS am snuggled up under one. Even in the summer. 

I use a singing One Direction toothbrush. Heck yes.

I love Vanilla Coke. And I think it tastes the best at Sonic.

I have been to almost 200 concerts. No lie. 

My name is McKenzie, but everyone closest to me calls me "Skim" or "Skimmy"..it's been my nickname since birth when my older sister couldn't pronounce my name and that's how it came out.

I have a curse with hairdryers. I don't think I have ever owned one that hasn't broken within a ridiculously short amount of time of having it.

Every year I get in the mood to chop off several inches of my hair at once. And I do. And I ALWAYS regret it. You'd think I'd learn.

I have met Bill Nye the Science guy, and he was a jerk (but hey, maybe he was having a bad day?).

Welp, there ya go. Story of My Life.
(part one)

Life Tip #3,301- Make Sure Your Blind Date Speaks Your Language

(sadly, my sister lost the one picture we got as proof of that hilariously horrible night, but I figured a picture of me and my 20 year old naive self from that same year could suffice)

So a few years ago when my sister was in college, I, for some STRANGE reason (which I still do not understand) let my sister convince me to go to a college dance with her.  She said that she and her ex boyfriend had found a date for me already, all I had to do was come. Hmmm...

Red flag number one.

Well, I should have considered the fact that my sister's psycho EX was the one setting me up with a date, and that's really not the best idea in the first place. 

 Red flag number two.

Not to mention, going on a double date with your sister, her ex, and a complete stranger just MIGHT be a little awkward in and of itself. 

Red flag number three.

But, I went down in faith that it was going to be a fun, memorable night! 

                                                                                                     ....Well, it WAS memorable.

After going on a day trip with my sister, her ex, and their horrible,erratic driver of a professor, we came back to my sister's apartment to get ready for the dance.  I was barely getting over my lingering carsickness from the day's trip with the nutty professor, but I managed to get ready and feel semi-okay.  Then I overheard my sister and her ex on the phone talking.... and it turns out my sister's ex met my date... at a construction site.  Red flag number four.

After having a slight freak out and telling my sister I no longer wanted to go and trying to get out of it,  my sister's ex and my date showed up.  This is the part of the story where I would love to say that he was tall, dark, handsome, mysteriously sexy, and tanned from his long hours in the sun working, and that all of my anxiety over going out with this construction-site-find-of-a stranger was erased. 

                                                Well...he was about 2 inches shorter than me, very shy, and barely spoke a lick of English.   

Red flag number five.

Needless to say the night was full of awkward silences, saying "I'm sorry, what was that?," awkward slow dances looking down at my date, and trying to understand each other over the loud music and obvious language barrier. AWK.WARD.NESS.  

Now, my sister and I laugh until we cry about that night.  And now I know: Never let your sister's ex set you up with a blind date. And if you, for some reason do, make SURE they speak your language.

The Gap Between the Two Trapeze

About a year ago I kept having a recurring thought in my mind, a thought to relocate.  It would come up at the most random times.  I would joke about it, lightheatedly, not really being serious, like, "I am going to move out to (blank) and do (blank)!" *insert awkward, forced laugh.* But every time I would think about it, I would get excited.  Something felt right. Something felt good. So I made a decision.  A really big decision, and I took it to the Lord.  And after a lot of thought, prayer, and fasting, I decided to make a move.  A big one.  Like across the country big.  

I decided to move to Utah. 

So right now that's what's happening.  I have not only made the decision, I have made the plans.  I have purchased the space bags for my clothes.  I have gotten the kitchen supplies.  I have secured a place to live. And I have taken that giant leap of faith-the lyric for my blog post title seems so fitting.  (Gotta love Coldplay).  As of this summer, I will be moving 2,000+ miles across the country for a fresh start.  

I can't think about the details too much because I start to get freaked out and think about how I only know like 2 people there, I am not sure what it will hold for me, etc. But mostly I am excited.  I am excited for this opportunity! I am excited for some fresh faces and new places!  

So who lives out in Utah and wants to be my friend?! haha, jkjk...no,but seriously. 

Keep the Change You Filthy Animal

I am SO excited for it to be 2013.  2012 was definitely not what I expected, but looking back it was SUCH a blessed year.  I am SO grateful for the wonderful people in my life and these wonderful memories and experience I am able to have and cherish.   These were some of my favorite moments from 2012:

-January- started this blog!-February- started nannying, celebrated my little sister's 21st birthday, made some awesome new friends, and smashed the living daylights out of a heart pinata.  -March- Went to the Baltimore Aquarium with one of my best friends and sister, and experienced Cheesecake Factory cheesecake for the first time.  -April- Went to the re-release of Titanic and totally fangirled, went to an All-American Rejects concert, and day-tripped down to DC with 3 of my best friends. -May- Chopped off 5-6 inches of my hair and dyed it brown, went to the Mayfair and saw Boys Like Girls.  -June- Went on my first vacation in over 5 years down to the Baltimore area!  -July- My Grammy (my grandma) turned 90!  -August- Won tickets to the Mixtape fest and saw 98 Degrees, Backstreet Boys, New Kids on the Block, LL Cool J, and MANY more awesome old groups! Also house-sat and enjoyed hot-tubbing. And I was hired to photograph my first wedding! -September- Went to see Switchfoot just miles from my house! -October- Went to Atlantic City to celebrate 2 of my best friends birthdays with them and my sister! Also saw There For Tomorrow in concert and had an epic time!  -November- My baby niecey was born! Little Maggie! And I flipping saw Joseph Gordon-Levitt LIVE and in person and almost touched his butt! -December- Turned 25! Christmas celebrations, spent time with my family, sewed some awesome ornaments and had a WONDERFUL holiday.

25 and stayin' alive! (ah, ah, ah, ah)

Welp, it happened.  Today I officially became an old lady.

I turned 25.

I remember as a little girl daydreaming, wondering 

"I wonder what I will look like when I am 25? "

"I wonder what I will be doing when I am 25?"

"I wonder what I will be like when I am 25?"

And after having a very heartbreaking experience last year around this time, I went into 2012 dreading turning 25 at the end of the year.  I was still struggling so much to accept what had happened and to move forward with my life.  I subconsciously put a mental expiration date on myself saying, "if I am not at my dream job...or....if I am not dating somebody else seriously...or...if I haven't moved out to my dream city by the time I turn 25,  I am useless, I am a failure."

And up until the end of the summer, I mentally beat the crap out of myself for not abiding by my timeline, my "usefulness expiration date."  I became more and more disappointed with myself because none of these things had panned out for me yet.

And then, by the Lord's tender mercy something clicked.  I realized how hard I was being on myself.  And that was big.  I never,ever had realized what ridiculous timelines I put myself on, I never realized how I would be SO hard on myself for not accomplishing things I thought I wanted to, when I wanted to.  And because I recognized this, I was able to begin to change it.

I realized that hey, just because some total clueless jerk broke your heart doesn't make you unlovable...it just means you deserve and want better. And he wasn't it.

Just because you haven't been able to afford that apartment you've been dreaming of moving to for so long yet doesn't mean it won't happen, it just means you are where you are supposed to be for now.

Just because you aren't at your dream job yet doesn't mean you won't have it...it just means you have a purpose to serve at the one you are at now.

And, just because things aren't like you pictured them at 25, doesn't mean they aren't good.

Expirations on people do not exist.  Sure, we all physically die and leave this earth some day, but we have NOW. We always have now.  

Treasure it, cherish it, live it, love it, NOW.  Make changes that need to happen.  Let yourself grow.  Work on your dreams.  Don't give up or beat yourself up.  The Lord has a plan for everyone, and He loves us all individually, and perfectly, even though we are not perfect.  He doesn't put us on timelines, when we mess up He doesn't say "Alright, that's it, you only have till your (insert age) to get it right!" He says, "It's ok, try again tomorrow.  Let me show you that what I have planned for you is bigger and better than your plans."

I am alive. Simply saying that puts a smile on my face because this time last year I didn't think I could survive.

But I did. And I am better. Stronger.  Older. Wiser. More blessed.

Here I am. all 25 years of me, failures, trials, experiences, scars, lessons, blessings, and all. I am alive and I am grateful to be 25.

Apparently, I have a life

I can't believe how long it's been since I've blogged! The last few weeks have been flying fast. This year is flying by sooooooooooo fast.  I cannot believe it is mid October already, MID OCTOBER PEOPLE! 

I love fall.  I love boots. I love scarves.  I love warm fuzzy socks. And I love any excuse I can get to drink Hershey's Hot Cocoa fresh from the stove top.  

I have had some exciting things happen over the last few weeks.

I went to Six Flags again.  My sister's friend scored us some free tickets, heck yes! 

Then me and my sister went to see There For Tomorrow. Um...AMAZING!!!! So flipping good.

And this past week me and three of my best friends went to Atlantic City for two days! More to come on that.

Overall, I have been SO blessed, and blessed to be too busy to blog, and I have some more exciting things coming my way!

A requirement for my future home...

A hot tub.  Heck yes.  A hot tub.  I think I would rather negotiate on things like food, clothing, and a kitchen table to be able to have a hot tub.  I have my priorities. haha.

The other week my sister and I house/dog sat for my aunt and uncle and they have one of these glorious inventions.  Seriously.....I rate this invention right up there with indoor plumbing.  

And as I have said every year after we house sit...."I am getting one of these when I have a house!"

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

My Nephew Is Hilarious

So, I have an 18 month old nephew. And he is stinking hilarious.  I am so blessed because I get to spend a lot of time with him and there is not a day that goes by when I see him and am not practically rolling on the floor laughing at him. He is just a kick.

Not to mention, he is stinking ADORABLE!!

 This is his cheesy grin that he does when he is hamming it up, or... when he's in trouble.

 I know I am bias, but seriously, cutest little boy ever.

He has a slight obsession carrying around handfuls of dog food and throwing them piece by piece at our 2 dogs. And a few weeks ago when my sister and I came home from vacation, he was just super excited and hyper the rest of the day. Plus, he's figured out how to start undressing himself. All of that combined equals this:

(sorry it's sideways, my mom shot the video haha)

Jackson from McKenzie Mease on Vimeo.

"What I need is the dandelion in the spring..."

Two things you should know about me:

One

I love Etsy. Like, LOOOOVE it.

Two

I love, love, LOOOOVE The Hunger Games. Peeta? Peeta anyone?

Seriously, after reading the trilogy and seeing the first movie I am dying already for the next 2 to come out.

So, I don't know why it took me so long to look up The Hunger Games items on Etsy. And now, I am glad I did. Behold, my new favorite necklace:

After having my world falling apart last year, this quote from Mockingjay really hit home:

"What I need is the dandelion in the spring. 

The bright yellow that means rebirth instead of destruction.

The promise that life can go on, 

no matter how bad our losses.

That it can be good again."

I wear this necklace close to my heart now, not only because of my love for this quote and the book series,  but because it holds a special place in my heart. It IS true, life can and does go on, no matter what we've gone through, no matter what we've lost.  Heavenly Father will help and heal you and bless you with peace and happiness and hope. Life IS good, and I am so grateful.

Swimming With The Fishies

I mentioned in one of my last posts that a week or two ago my sister Hannah, my friend Amanda, and I all went on a mini road trip down to Baltimore. It was a GLORIOUS day!! We had SO much fun.  There were some majorly good heart-to-hearts, belly laughs, picture taking, and good music and food shared that day.

We ate at The Cheesecake Factory (only the 2nd time I have ever been in my life, the closest one is 2 hours away!!) OH my. I have no words to fully describe its deliciously wonderful mouth watering goodness:) 

and, it was RIGHT on the beautiful harbor.

Then, we went to the Aquarium. SO much fun. I love, love, LOVE the ocean and it is just so amazing to look at all the beautiful (and some scary) creatures that God has created.

And we took lots of pictures, being our incredibly smooth selves:)

(hannah and me)

(me, hannah, amanda)

and I kissed a fish...picture...or, picture of a fish...

and then we took pictures out a the beautiful harbor and city at night.

VERY good day.  I love friends. And road trips. And cheesecake. And laughing. And all those put together? HECK yes!

Wow, what a week

I am BEYOND tired right now.  Let's just say this whole last week has been INSANE. It started off with my beloved doggie, Spice, being hit by a car (don't worry, its a miracle, and she's ok now, more on that later). Hence, the blogger hiatus.

(source)

I started a second job as a nanny last week in addition to my night job. So...my day goes something like :

6:00am get up

6:45am-4:00pm nanny

4:30pm get home and exercise(trying to at least ;)

5:30pm eat dinner

6:00pm take a quick nap

7:00pm-1:00am-ish night job

1:30 ish get home and sleep

Repeat.

Geez, these 20+ hour days are killing me. 

And I think it is safe to say that the bags under my eyes are so big you could carry groceries in them.

(source)