The ground beneath my feet is open wide

What has happened to 2015?!

I had such good intentions of keeping up with my blog this year. I wanted to get back into it again. But I dunno, my motivation for blogging hit an all time low.  Hence not posting since January (whoops).

But I used to love my little corner of the internet here.  And I want to again.  This is my space and I don't feel the need to have it become something fake- just to attract more readers and get lots of page views.  I just want it to be mine. What I like. What I want to say.  And so it shall be.

Lots of things have been happening for me- including an upcoming move! I am going back to Utah!

When I left Utah in 2013 I never thought I'd say that.  But here we are. haha.  It's funny how the Lord works.  I feel like He is definitely leading me back there, and He has definitely opened up the way for me to go, and I am SO grateful.

For about 2 years (actually, like, 8 if I am being reeeeeaaally honest), but ESPECIALLY the last 2 years, I have been SO anxious and antsy. I am ready for a change.  I am ready for new faces, new places, new opportunities.

In explaining to my family and friends just why I am picking up and heading 2,000ish miles across the country I have told them the same thing. I LOVE Pennsylvania. I love the rolling green hills. I love the people (for the most part, haha), I love being near my family and the best friends I have here, I love the changes of the seasons, I love that I am so close to a lot of cool places- like DC, Philly, etc. I love it.  I used to really resent PA but after my first move to Utah, I still remember coming home and driving across the PA state line and being like AH. HOME. I have lots of warm fuzzy feelings for it now. But not matter how much I love it, if I stay exactly where I am, that's just it, that will be EXACTLY where I am. I can predict what the next several years of my life will be like. Nothing will change the way I want it to. And I'm not okay with that.

So here's to new starts. New faces. New people. New places. New experiences. New challenges. New me. I am SO excited! (Except when I think about the real life, adult, nitty gritty details I get SO freaked out!) But I know I am not alone. The Lord is with me wherever I go. And I am ready to go.

My New Shop! -The Prints & Me

For the past few months I have been swamped with my new endeavor... my own etsy shop- The Prints & Me.  

This has been something I have dreamed of doing and been working on opening for literally YEARS.  Finally things lined up and I took my leap of faith and opened it on November 12th.  I have had a very successful and exciting first few weeks, and if I am being honest...VERY nerve-wracking, especially in the beginning.  It is really hard to put yourself out there like that, hoping people will buy what you have worked so hard on, and invested so much time, energy, money, etc in.  

My shop is a little different and I LOVE it. It has been such a blessing to me already!  

I offer a few different things.

First, if you know me, you know I LooooooOOOoooVE One Direction. Like, a whole lotta love there.  And I also have been designing tshirts since I was a teenager.  Well, I put the two together and behold:

My own original line of One Direction Shirts

I am so proud of these babies! It is so amazing to see them in real life and hold them in my hand and wear them myself, not to just invision them on my computer screen.  What's even more amazing is seeing other people wear them! I have had people send me pictures of them in these that they have bought and it is so surreal and exciting! I am so happy with them!

I also have a line of original prints...but I'll save them for another post:)
Please check out my shop and give it a like on Etsy!
You can also visit it on
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& Twitter

And then there were 27

Wow. Another year has come and gone and I am still in shock. I turned 27 a few weeks ago and let me tell you....that is even more of a shock, yo! I can't believe it. For a bit I was struggling with the idea of entering my late 20's. I don't know if I am the only one who does this but I kind of tend to treat my birthdays like New Years. I look back on the year, I take stock, and sadly most of the time... I make myself feel like horse poop.

It's easy to compare your life to the picture you have in your head of how things should be. And truth be told, if you have a picture in your head of how it's supposed to be, it's pretty near perfection. And that makes real life REAL hard to measure up. Especially when you are using a skewed yardstick like most of us tend to do and are super hard on ourselves. I know I am.

I tend to get disappointed with things and think to myself "This is SO not what I pictured I would be like, or how things would be when I was (insert age)!"

And before you know it I am stuck in the comparison trap.

I compare my life to others.

I compare my circumstances to others.

I compare how I handle things to how others do.

I compare what others have to what I have.

I compare my body, hair, makeup, talents, etc to all those seemingly perfect girls around me and blogs plastered all over the place.

And pretty quickly I feel like I come up ridiculously short.

But you know what I have finally started to realize?

I AM ME. There is NO one else who is me or ever will be, EVER.

Heavenly Father created me individually. He has molded my life individually. He has blessed me individually. He has loved me individually. He never intended for me to measure myself or my blessings by the yardsticks of others. He just want me to try my best, and be measured against what HE wants for me. And that changes daily. Sometimes my efforts for the day are amazing. I accomplish a lot. I use my talents. I serve. I study and pray more. I do better. Then some days are really hard, and I fall SO short from the day before. But you know what? If I am having a hard day He isn't expecting me to be my best self from another day. My best self for that day is what He wants. And He accepts my meager efforts, because sometimes that is all I can manage. He just says, "That's ok, try a little harder tomorrow."

He is not hard on us. WE are hard on us.

And when we compare ourselves and our lives to others it is only being ungrateful for the multitude of blessings He has given US individually.

I went into 27 with a much better attitude than I have the past few birthdays. He has blessed me to learn SO much over the past few years of my life. I have been stretched to the point of breaking. There have been trials I never would have wanted in a million years. There have been days so incredibly hard I couldn't picture them ever being even close to "good" again.

But over these last few years there has been SO much growth. I have been given SO much. I have been blessed WAY more that I have been hurt. Everything that has been a trial has turned into a blessing, or is on its way into turning into a blessing.

26 was SO good to me. I am so grateful for this year.

I crossed some major items of my bucket list like going to California and dipping my feet in the Pacific Ocean (which was a trip I WON, HECK yeah!)

I got 2 amazing jobs with families that I absolutely LOVED and were SUCH blessings to me

I expanded my photography skills and business

I traveled around and took day trips

I saw One Direction in concert TWICE, one if them was in FRONT ROW!!

I read the Book of Mormon 5 times

I started my own business selling shirts and prints I have spent years working on

(Wow as I read that I have a lot of blog posts to catch up on...haha...)

I am so grateful He has given me another year to be SO blessed. 27 is exciting! I can't wait to see what happens this year. I plan on making it AMAZING.

Confession Session

*I have a follow-through problem. Seriously. I have a stack of movies sitting by my TV that I have started and never finished- even though they some of are my FAVORITE movies. My best friend had a baby in JUNE and I started a project for her new baby before that. Have I finished it? Nope. And once I finish it actually mailing it out will be on a whole other level.

*I do not like talking on the phone. As a teenager I was obsessed and could spend hours every night gabbing away. Today I literally have to bribe my sister to call the chinese place for take out so I can avoid it. Thank goodness for online pizza ordering.

*Speaking of talking on the phone, whenever I do choose to do so, I have to brush my teeth first. I don't know, I guess it helps me feel more prepared. I feel like I am talking to someone with bad breath and that is the worst feeling, even though I know they can't smell my breath over the phone. It's weird.

*At the beginning of the year I was sitting in the car waiting for my sister to run an errand. I was looking in the mirror and something caught my eye. A WHITE HAIR. I fuh-reakin found a white hair on my 26 year old head (stress is a killer yo)! That is all kinds of wrong. I always pictured myself aging gracefully and accepting these things but that snowy little traitor tore that illusion to pieces and I'll admit for a few days I gave up because my life felt over. I have since recovered but started dying my hair again. Those little buggers can hide for 20 more years as far as I'm concerned. I'm not gonna take it lying down.

*I think fashion blogging and blogs that post mostly sponsored things are weird.  Don't get me wrong I follow a lot of fashion blogs and ones that do lots of sponsored posts but I've stopped reading most of them because they seem so fake. Give me real life people.

*My favorite band is One Direction. Heck yes. And I get freaking ANNOYED/homicidal/it hurts my feelings when people constantly feel the need to bash them to my face. A lot of these people being my friends. I am like "REALLY?! I have the courtesy to let you have your own taste in music without saying anything about what I disagree over. I UNDERSTAND we all have our own tastes." So I RESPECT IT. And music is personal yo, we all have what speaks to us, AM I RIGHT?! So don't put down what you don't understand. Instead SIT DOWN and shut up. K? Thanks. #sorrynotsorry

^^This is from when my sister and I saw 1D FRONT ROW in August. Which is UNREAL. Do you even know how many people are at their shows?! Try 70ish THOUSAND people. So to be able to get front row is RIDICULOUSLY amazing We bought the tickets in December 2013, that's NINE MONTHS of counting down yo. You can't fake that ecstatic excitement/happiness/pure joy. I don't understand why my friends try to put a damper on that.

Adulting

So a little peak into my life latey:

The other night I got out of the shower after 10pm and had an intense craving for frozen yogurt. So I went. Just threw on some sweats, put a headband in my wet hair, and went.

I have developed a keen awkwardness around males. I used to be a very smooth flirt in front of the fellas. But I am here to tell you there is nothing smooth about gasping, spilling your drink, and tripping when you see a shirtless guy at work (yes this happened).

Speaking of tripping, and guys...this happened again the other day. I was walking out of my job and didn't clear a gate when I was stepping over it. This resulted in me falling and knocking over every other section of the gate in a quite impressive domino fashion. And bonus! It was in front of a guy I have a very school-girl-like crush on.

I literally hid my phone for an entire day to avoid real life.  I wanted to continue this, and still would be, but I realized I pay for that dang thing. Bills suck yo.

I stayed up till 3 for the past couple of weeks laughing my butt off at Urkel on Family Matters all alone in my room like a crazy person. This was regretted every time my alarm went off early the next morning for work, but not changed. I have my priorities. 

Speaking of Urkel, my mom surprised me and gave me a Steve Urkel doll she found at an antique store and I squealed almost as loud as I did when my sister and I scored front row One Direction tickets.

And one more "McKenzie is awkward around guys" story. While I was at work recently, I was having a rough day, which prompted a heart-to-heart with the cat of the family I work for. It was all fine and dandy till the guy I work for walked in and caught me talking to it.

And there ya have it, welcome to adulting folks.

L I F E

Oh, life.

So much has been going on since I last wrote. And a lot of it has been really difficult. There have been days I haven't wanted to get up out of bed or even change out of my pjs. 

It's amazing how different life can be from what you expected. For both good, and bad. There have been a lot of challenges and lessons the Lord seems to be wanting me to have and to learn. And one of the things I am constantly being reminded of is the fact that He knows best. He knows what He is doing. And I can trust Him with my life. 

I remember back when my best friend and I were entering our twenties. She was home from college and we were visiting, having one of our many,many, MANY life talks. You know, the ones that are really deep and you just pour your heart out and your worries and your fears and hopes and dreams come busting out till the early hours of the morning. We were talking about the future, and how we were worried about what our futures held, we were questioning God's plan for us, and allowing ourselves to feel doubt and fear. Well, mostly me. And I will never forget my friend's response to my many "WHAT IF" questions. She said

"McKenzie, all I know is it's called 'The Plan of Happiness.' He WANTS US TO BE HAPPY. And even when we don't understand how, that's what is going to happen."

I was so humbled and taken aback by her very honest, yet very simple response. It hit me how true it is.

I KNOW that no matter what happens, Heavenly Father wants us to be happy. 

I KNOW that He is working in our lives to make our ETERNAL happiness possible. Because I don't know about you, but that, when you think about it, is really what's important to me. The FOREVER part. And we CAN be eternally happy, in His presence if we hold on and follow His ways while we are here in this life.

I KNOW that Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ live.

I KNOW they love me. And they love you too.

I KNOW that even though there are hard days, days you don't know how you can possibly take anymore, days that your best effort is just to manage to get up and get dressed (or who am I kidding, just getting up period), THERE IS REASON FOR HOPE. We are never, ever alone. Everything that happens DOES happen for a reason. And we can trust in His plan, His purposes, and His timing. For surely they are SO much better than our own. They are far better and more than what our small, finite, mortal brains can even imagine.

Well heyyyy there!

I can't believe how fast 2014 is FLYING by. I had such good intentions for keeping up with my blog this year. I can't believe it has been 6+ months since I last posted. But hey, whatcha gonna do? Oh well. 

I have been seriously busy with SO many things this year. One of them being this little ditty one of my best friends and I have started together:

That's right! We started a dating blog.  We both have lots of opinions, crazy experiences, stories, and insights to share about our journeys in the dating world.  We would love for you to follow along. You can find our new blog, Boyless in the Burbs HERE.

And of course stick around this little bloggie of mine too. I have some seriously exciting things coming up!