Friday, February 14, 2014

I am not a stop along the way. I am the destination.

With all the hype surrounding Valentine's Day, it got me thinking, as lover of love and a total hopeless romantic I actually truly enjoy Valentine's Day, even though I am single. GASP. I know, I know. Aren't I supposed to be wallowing in misery, stuffing my face with chocolate, weeping into my pillow because Mr. Right has not yet graced me with his presence and I am forced to spend yet another holiday focused on l.o.v.e. alone?
Nope. Not this girl.
You see, I have had Valentine's days where I was not single. I was in a relationship.  But you know what? Those were some of the most lonely Valentine's Days of my life.  
Why? Because I was in a relationship I shouldn't have been in.  I was with a guy who did not treat me like he loved me. Who did not value me. Who did not treasure or cherish me. Who, heck, didn't even bring me flowers or chocolates or even a stupid teddy bear that cost 2 bucks at Wal Mart ONCE. No, not once in the 8 years of on and off again dating did he buy me even one small trinket to show his affection.  He treated me like I was just some passing phase in his life, an OPTION, not a PRIORITY. 
A stop along the way, not a destination.
I am not putting all the blame on this boy. I take responsibility for accepting whatever sub-par, minuscule, ridiculous treatment/attention he graced me with.  I didn't see how incredibly wrong and horrible our relationship was at the time. It wasn't until him ripping my heart out of my butt and months and months of healing, praying, pondering, and learning to love myself happened that I realized I deserved more.  Much, much more. And I want more.
I am not something to be passed by.
I am not something that isn't worthy of attention.
I am not something you bide your time with, waiting  to see if something better comes along.
I am not something you see if you can "fit in" to your time, your schedule, your life when/ if it happens to suit you.
I am not an option. I am a priority.
I am not a stop along the way. I am the destination.

Realizing these things have been nothing short of life-altering.  It has changed the way I view myself, my time spent, who I spend it with, how I think about myself and others, how I treat others, what treatment I expect and accept from others, and who/how I consider dating.

I will not settle for a boy who doesn't treat me with respect and love.
I will not settle for a boy who does not see me as the Daughter of God that I am.
I will not settle for a boy who does not treat me right, who is thoughtless and selfish.
I will not settle for a boy who treats me like just another stop along the way. 

I will be with a man who sees me as the destination. Who cherishes, loves, confides in, needs, wants, and cares for me, because I know that is what I deserve, because that is what I give in return.

I just want to shout on the rooftops to anyone, male or female, who has been or is in a relationship where you are being neglected, mistreated, abused, what have you, that YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SETTLE.  Do not just be with someone because you are afraid to be alone. Don't ignore red flags if they are there. Do not allow someone to make you feel like you aren't more than whatever bad treatment they can dish out.

This Valentine's Day I won't have a significant other, but I won't be sad. I will be with my friends, being HAPPY because I choose not to settle. I choose to be happy. I chose to have hope because I know that someday there will be a man that comes along, to me, happily stopping at his destination.

1 comment:

  1. I'm so glad you can have the attitude along the way. It's not worth it to be with someone who doesn't treat you well. That's so true. Good guys do exist, though not every guy is a good one. And in my experience it's way better to be single than to be with someone who isn't right for you.