Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Words Will Be Just Words Till You Bring Them To Life

H  A  P  P  Y     2  0  1  4

(My sister, me, & my friends Christi & Amanda- AKA The Fabulous Four! New Years Eve)

I am SO excited for the New Year.  It is so wonderful to look back and see how blessed I was over 2013.
I remember starting off in January 2013 saying how I was DETERMINED to make it a better year than 2012.  I had spent that entire year healing from heartbreak and trying to figure out how to keep going, trying to figure out who the heck I even was.  So I was SO ready to say hello to 2013, and now, I cannot BELIEVE it is over! Seriously, it FLEW by. And I am happy to say I accomplished 2 out of 3 of my HUGE resolutions for that year.

They were:

O N E:  Go through the Temple and take out my Endowments- CHECK!

That April day was the best day of my life so far. I have such special memories from that day and it has been a gift that keeps giving and will my entire life. I truly LOVE the Temple!

and T W O:  Move To Utah- CHECK!

I TOTALLY packed up my Camry, busting to the gills with all I could fit of my earthly possessions inside, and drove the TWO THOUSAND THREE HUNDRED miles across the country to try out Utah. How freaking awesome is that!? I am so proud that I took that chance and literally went on faith all the way across the country for an adventure. And after a few months and a LOT of prayer, pondering, phone calls, and fasting, I have since moved back to Pennsylvania. But I couldn't be happier to have had that adventure for those few months in 2013, and to be back on the east coast!
But that's a different story for a different time.

I am PUMPED for 2014 and I have A LOT in store. So many big plans for myself. This will be the year of

C    H    A    N    G    E
and I am ready! So here we go 2014, let's do it!  I am ready to bring my goals to life!

Monday, January 6, 2014

Dear 20, Love 26

You know what it crazy to me?
How time can absolutely fly by, and slow down, at the same time.
Right now I cannot believe that I turned 26 last month.  I seriously have no idea how I got here.  I feel like I just turned 20.  
But, I feel like 20 was a lifetime ago.Yet it feels like yesterday. Strange.
How did six years pass by without me even realizing it?
 I feel like if I passed my 20 year old self on the street I would hardly recognize her.
It got me thinking...if I somehow could see my 20 year old self, and tell her things about herself, warn her about things I know would be coming for her, comfort her, give her advice, tell her what would happen in the next six years....
would I?
You see, the past few years I have struggled severely with regret.  It was something I had never really thought of before. Something that never bothered me.  Something I never worried about. I guess that's because up until the past few years, I had never done anything worthy of real regret.
I am not talking about sin, and big mistakes involving things of that nature. But I am talking about big life decisions that I have made and have come to utterly, completely, and painfully regret. A powerful, overwhelming feeling of regret that has kept me up at night.  Regret that has left me feeling lost and confused.  Regret that makes me feel angry at myself, and others.  Regret that has left me crying till my eyes can't cry anymore. Regret that has at times, made me bitter.  Regret that had me asking
 "BUT  W H A T  I F..."
or saying  "I F  O N L Y   I   H A D/H A D N' T..."
 or  "I   W I S H   I   N E V E R..."
But the regret has taught me something-NOT to regret. No matter how many times you go over scenarios in your head, you cannot change the past.  The absolute best thing you can do is to say"oops, my bad"
 pray- trusting that Heavenly Father knows what is best for you
 and MOVE ON
Go forward with what you have learned and try not to make the same mistakes twice.  Make the most of the situations at hand.  Forgive where forgiveness is needed, and this includes forgiving YOURSELF. As Timone and Pumbaa would say "You gotta put your past behind ya." Know that wherever you have ended up now, you are never starting over from scratch, you are starting anew with additional experience, learning, and understanding. 
I know that I have made some REALLY horrible decisions that have cost me dearly-
(i.e. loving a boy for years who did NOT deserve me, who never treated me right, and took me for granted, and tore my beating heart out of my chest..but that's a different story for a different post)
but I KNOW that I have fought hard to become this woman I am today because of these things.  I know that the Lord has loved me through everything, and I have  grown to love Him so much more through everything. And that who I am today, standing here, newly 26, is a completely different and BETTER woman because of my choices and my experiences. And if my 26 year old self passed my 20 year old self on the street, I still don't know for sure what I would say to her,  if I would tell her to
 "RUN AS FAST AS SHE CAN the other way from that boy", or to 
"go to that college after all", or to
"love yourself NOW."
Or maybe I would say nothing at all, and just give her a knowing, reassuring smile because now I KNOW she will be ok. That even though I know the choices she is making will cause her serious regret and heartache, she will one day be me, the 26 year old woman 
who values herself and her time
who is working on bettering and loving herself daily
who doesn't accept less than what she deserves
who knows that she is a daughter of God, and deserves people in her life who sees and treat her as such
a woman who doesn't settle and is freaking ROCKIN' it making her dreams come true, even if they took a regret or ten along the way...